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At Last, the True Fates of Some of the Beloved Disney Characters!!!


"Mickey Mouse to a three year old. Yeah! Mickey Mouse to a three year old. Bulls**t!! Mickey Mouse to a three year old is a six foot f**king rat!!!"
Robin Williams, A Night at the Met.


I received this information over the e-mail from some really nice people. I was shocked to discover the truth about the Disney characters but had to accept the fact that they are stars and that they will fall just River Phoenix or Kurt Cobain. If you have a weak stomach or younger than 12 years old, you may want to turn back now. Otherwise, here, for the second time ever, are the True fates of your favorite Disney characters, taken from the secret files of Micheal Eisner himself.....




Mickey Mouse -- died of venereal disease after visiting multiple prostitutes because Minnie said "No" for 50 years.

Minnie Mouse -- (see Mickey)

Donald Duck -- served as the main course at Epcot's China Pavillion.

Goofy -- assassinated during his first term as President of the United States.

Pluto -- caught by dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.

Scrooge McDuck -- died in extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.

Huey, Dewey, & Louie -- involved in an underground child pornagraphy ring.

Chip & Dale -- extracted from Richard Gere's colon.

Snow White -- fell for the old "apple trick" again.

Dopey -- 'nuff said.

Sneezy -- died of pneumonia with Jim Henson.

Grumpy -- executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.

Happy -- killed by insane gunman at a local McDonalds.

Doc -- was sued for malpractice, lived the rest of his life living under bridges and eating out of cat food cans.

Sleepy -- never woke up.

Bashful -- now a stripper with the Chippendales.

Mary Poppins -- shot down over Iraqui airspace.

Christopher Robin -- male prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.

Winnie the Pooh -- had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570.

Piglet -- gunned down in a mafia hit.

Eeyore -- committed suicide.

Tigger -- accidentally bounced off the edge of a cliff.

Rabbit -- died of an anyuism while watching over his garden.

Roo -- smothered to death by Kanga.

Kanga -- put to death by the state.

Alice (of Wonderland) -- institutionalized for life.

The Mad Hatter -- died of mercury poisoning.

Dormouse -- drowned in a teapot.

The Queen of Hearts -- guillotined during the revolution.

Tweedledee & Tweedledum -- died of excessive weight loss at a fat farm.

Sleeping Beauty -- slept until 1986, contracted AIDS from "Prince Charming".

Cinderella -- killed by stepsisters and stepmother in a jealous rage.

Pinnoccio -- is now a very comfortable Ottoman.

Jiminy Cricket -- died after impacting a windshield at high speeds.

Figaro -- strung tightly on a Les Paul guitar.

Dumbo -- sucked into the engine of a 747.

Peter Pan -- Christopher Robin's lover, committed suicide in despair.

Tinkerbell -- caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.

Bambi -- shot by NRA member with an Ak-47. His body was never found.

Baloo -- is now decorating the floor in front of a fireplace.

Mowgli -- ( see Huey, Dewey, & Louie)

Lady & the Tramp -- sold to a Cantonese restaraunt.

101 Dalmations -- sold to the Ringling Bros. Circus, were eaten by loins.

The Rescuers -- involved in cancer research.

Tron -- someone pulled the plug out by accident.

Captain EO -- had a leak in his spacesuit.

Jessica Rabbit -- backup singer for Guns 'N Roses.

The Little Mermaid -- caught by Mrs. Paul's Inc.

Aladdin -- was caught stealing one too many times, is now being traded nightly at Leavenworth for a pack of menthols.

Abu -- shot into space by NASA.

Jasmine - currently leads the women's rights group in Washington, D.C.

We have even learned the fate of Micheal Eisner himself. He was reportedly murdered by the ghost of Walt Disney, who had come to exact his revenge.
So there you go. The fate of your favorite Disney characters. I hope you enjoyed this little trip in my perverted mind. After all, you are the to play with me, and I can play all night long. So come back soon, y'all here.

"Mickey Mouse to a three year old. Yeah! Mickey Mouse to a three year old. Bulls**t!! Mickey Mouse to a three year old is a six foot f**king rat!!!"
Robin Williams, A Night at the Met.


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